Alex Dave, Safeguarding Education Officer at ed-tech charity, LGfL-the National Grid for Learning, shares advice on the relational approach to positive communication with parents.
The words we use – either spoken or written – shape us, our values and our behaviours, and they do likewise for others. Language is powerful – it can provide meaning, evoke an array of emotions, connect or divide us, unite or demonise us – so it needs careful consideration.
When it comes to a relational approach, the way in which we communicate and the language we choose, should be a mirror of the values that underpin the approach; empathy, unconditional positive regard, curiosity and authenticity. Communication should be respectful, clear and not punitive. School leaders should consider how they can create the relational culture they want to see, and the resources required for this.
Spoken language
Despite their power, the words we say only account for an estimated 7% of what we communicate. The other key components are tone and non-verbal language such as warmth, eye contact, proximity, active listening and reciprocity. The same words spoken, can mean and be received in different ways depending on these other factors.
We cannot communicate effectively when stressed, rushed, tired or lacking motivation. Therefore, Designated Safeguarding Leads (DSLs) need the appropriate and necessary support to perform their role effectively as outlined in Annex C of Keeping Children Safe in Education.
Not all staff are proficient or confident in communicating with parents, yet in many schools, little or no time nor training is provided to building these crucial skills. Policies, strategies, templates, scripts, role play opportunities, debriefs and staff support are just a few of the ways schools can help create, shape, support and drive a relational culture.
Positive feedback
Everyone has elements of their communication they are unaware of, which makes providing feedback about communication skills a valuable tool for staff growth and refinement. There are many useful tools to help with this that support self-awareness and growth. The following approaches encourage openness in a supportive environment, engagement with people and focus on positives to make change.
- Appreciative enquiry – is a strengths-based approach in which rather than identifying a problem and finding ways to solve it, change is created by exploring what is already working and how to build on it.
- 360-degree Feedback – is a process of gathering feedback from colleagues in addition to a self-evaluation.
Written language
Just like spoken language, our written records should reflect relational practice and be respectful and free from judgmental or blaming language. Using labels that reinforce stigma and shame can be misleading and unhelpful.
The term ‘disguised compliance’ is often overused in safeguarding, to describe ways parents and carers appear to co-operate with professionals to allay concerns in order to stop further scrutiny and involvement from services. However, this label can be misleading, unhelpful and blaming. It does not align with relational practice and may in fact harm efforts to support children. Rather than providing labels such as these, it’s more helpful to look beneath the behaviour and build strong relationships with families. (NSPCC Why Language Matters)
Practicing professional curiosity and asking thoughtful, open-ended questions is far more effective than making judgmental statements, as it encourages parents to take steps toward helping themselves.
You don’t have to agree with a parent, especially when there are concerns about a child’s safety or welfare, but it’s essential to remain respectful, just as you expect them to be with you.
The key point to remember is that we cannot make someone change or do something. But the way in which we engage with parents will impact the outcome.
Diversity and inclusion
How can we account for the diversity of parents that we engage with and ensure we communicate in an accessible and inclusive way? Translated materials, easy-read formats, and a commitment to Plain English – using clear, simple language in all communications, and explaining any jargon – makes communication accessible to a wide audience.
Addressing safeguarding concerns
When discussing safeguarding concerns, be clear about the purpose of your discussion; what outcome are you seeking? Then be explicit about the specific concerns, your school’s safeguarding responsibilities, and any necessary actions, such as informing Children’s Services. Explain what this process involves and what will happen next.
Strive to create a shared understanding with parents, emphasising that everyone’s goal is to work together to help children thrive and reach their full potential. Any concerns raised should always align with this shared purpose.
For free resources on relational practice with parents, including a downloadable template ‘Planning courageous conversations with parents’ please visit https://lgfl.net/Safeguarding/Relational-Practice.
